Spies are Underrated as Father Figures

I bet international spies make great fathers. Spies are charismatic, drive exotic cars and can always bring back cool gifts from their travels. Spies would be especially good at being the father of an unborn baby. The first thing you have to do as a potential father is keep the really big secret that you are going to be a father. Who is better at keeping a secret than spies? When a spy finds out his girlfriend is pregnant, he has no problem keeping it a secret until the 12-week mark. I bet he keeps it a secret in seven different languages while beating up bad guys on top of train.

I am not an international spy, and consequently, I’m really having trouble keeping the pregnancy a secret. Because I can’t tell anyone I know, I’ve been forced to tell strangers to fulfill my secret-telling desires. I tell a lady at the grocery store who is buying diapers in front of me. I tell a guy with whom I have a seventeen-second friendship in an elevator. I tell as many people as  I can, without telling anyone that really matters. There is a legion of strangers wandering the city with my secret casually tucked in their cerebral cortexes, and I haven’t even told my parents yet.

This month between finding out about the pregnancy and the 12-week mark passes super slowly and I find myself avoiding friends so I won’t have to explain why my girlfriend can’t drink wine and why I can’t speak in complete sentences without blurting out “we’re having a baby!” As a result, I’ve become reclusive, hard to talk to and mysterious. In some ways, I guess I’m behaving exactly like an international spy. Perhaps there’s hope I’ll be a good father after all.

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