All posts in 3-6 months old
I Really F$#%^@ Hope My Baby Can’t Understand Swear Words
It was suggested to me today that if I’m not careful, my daughter’s first word is going to be a swear word. I’m not sure if I curse more since having a baby (totally a possibility) or if it’s just [...]
A New Parent’s Guide to Living Longer
“Those were the good old days” and “Time flies when you’re having fun” are my second and third least favorite phrases in the English language (the first being, “Looks like we’re out of vodka.”). I don’t like “Those were the [...]
The Least Interesting Man in the World
I’m sure I became a boring adult long ago, but today was the day I realized it. I was at Costco and saw a guy putting an economy-sized box of Costco brand (Kirkland!) baby wipes into his cart. ME: Um, [...]
How To Be a Parent on Facebook.
When you have a child, news and photos of that child are going to naturally take over your Facebook wall. It took me six months, but with some hard work and a little bit of research, I finally feel like [...]
The Exact Moment It Hit Me
I’ve heard dozens of other parents, including my wife, talk about how amazed they are with how much they love their child. How they never could have imagined loving something so much. I’ve never doubted that these people were telling [...]
Dads are from ______. Moms are from _____.
I hate admitting that men and women are fundamentally different. It makes me feel like a chauvinist and a bit of a hack as a writer. Problem is, when it comes to the parenting instincts – especially over the first [...]
Can You Babysit Your Own Kids?
Women hate it when dads refer to watching their own kids as “babysitting.” Don’t believe me? Ask the woman in line behind you at the grocery store if watching your own kids qualifies as babysitting. She’ll be more horrified than [...]
How to Get Married in Six Days or Less
Becky and I decided to get married on six days notice. We had just found out that our parents would be in town at the same time for the first time ever, and it seemed like getting married in front [...]
Baby Bullet, Grown Up Heartbreak
Long before I thought about having a baby I saw the infomercial for the Baby Bullet. I bet I watched that thing 15 times over the years, always marveling at the amazing varieties of homemade baby food you could make. [...]
The Five Unanswerable Questions of Parenting
While the mysteries of Stonehenge, the origin of the Crystal Skulls and the assassination of John F. Kennedy are unanswerable questions 1 thru 3 in most people’s minds, I’m pretty sure that these Five Unanswerable Questions of Parenting are numbers [...]